Although I certainly had the temptation, I have decided to forego writing a full-on review for Cocaine Bear. When I first started Nickelbib.com (or whatever it was called back then) in 2013, I used to write about anything and everything I could. These were simpler days when I had a lot more time and energy to expend, and nowadays, not only does it no longer seem practical to do, I no longer want to do that.
Instead, I will try to keep it mostly short and sweet with Cocaine Bear.
I went into it expecting more than what was written on the tin. I wanted a film about a bear on cocaine wreaking havoc, and, more-or-less, I feel that is mostly what the film accomplished. A lot of the dialogue isn't the best. I know I didn't particularly care for some of the interactions, as I believe they only existed to pad the runtime of a concept that didn't have enough material put to it to achieve feature length. The film charmed to the very extent its own absurdity would allow, but largely didn't accomplish much more than that. This film is a lot more coherent than, say, Sharknado, and certainly has a much larger budget than that, but it doesn't manage to avoid a lot of the same pitfalls they faced.
I don't subscribe to the "so bad, it's good" mantra. I write a lot of reviews about things that aren't exactly high-art. I will write about Chopping Mall or the occasional Full Moon Feature film, and when I write about them, I don't accept a "so bad, it's good" mentality for them. Chopping Mall succeeded because it was absurd and charming and fun, and I honestly didn't believe it was bad.
Likewise, a film like Re-Animator or Head of the Family succeeds because I am taken in by its quirky characters and goofy premise.
This film - and I'm not really knocking it - doesn't really do enough to win me over as a film I will want to revisit or come back to again. It does what it says on the tin, but I also expect more than that. I want a film about a bear hopped up on cocaine, but I also want likable characters, decent acting, and an enjoyable enough story to contain it all. This film felt like it was just kind of there for me, and if I didn't chicken scratch something about it now, I most likely never would.
